Exactly

Amazing how you can find a Psalm to reflect exactly how you're feeling at any time. How cool that God would even give us the words to express ourselves and show us that such rants, vents, and tirades are even in the Bible and therefore don't scare Him, bother Him, or annoy Him. He lets us share what's really on our hearts and minds; and honestly, He WANTS us to! "Cast your burdens on me, for I care for you!"

Psalm 55 (in parts)

 ¹ Give ear to my prayer, O God,

   and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!
²Attend to me, and answer me;
   I am restless in my complaint and I moan,
³because of the noise of the enemy,
   because of the oppression of the wicked.
For they drop trouble upon me,
   and in anger they bear a grudge against me.

 ⁴My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
⁵Fear and trembling come upon me,
   and horror overwhelms me.
⁶And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
   I would fly away and be at rest;
⁷ yes, I would wander far away;
   I would lodge in the wilderness;
                         Selah

⁸I would hurry to find a shelter

   from the raging wind and tempest."

¹⁶But I call to God,

   and the LORD will save me.
¹⁷ Evening and morning and at noon
   I utter my complaint and moan,
   and he hears my voice.
¹⁸He redeems my soul in safety
   from the battle that I wage,
   for many are arrayed against me.
¹⁹God will give ear and humble them,
   he who is enthroned from of old, 
                         Selah

²² Cast your burden on the LORD,
   and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
   the righteous to be moved.

But I will trust in you.

Psalm 62

 ¹For God alone my soul waits in silence;
   from him comes my salvation.
² He only is my rock and my salvation,
   my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
 ³How long will all of you attack a man
   to batter him,
   like a leaning wall, a tottering fence?
⁴They only plan to thrust him down from his high position.
   They take pleasure in falsehood.
They bless with their mouths,
   but inwardly they curse.
                         Selah
 ⁵For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
   for my hope is from him.
⁶ He only is my rock and my salvation,
   my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
⁷On God rests my salvation and my glory;
   my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
 ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
    pour out your heart before him;
   God is a refuge for us. 
                         Selah
 ⁹ Those of low estate are but a breath;
   those of high estate are a delusion;
in the balances they go up;
   they are together lighter than a breath.
¹⁰Put no trust in extortion;
    set no vain hopes on robbery;
    if riches increase, set not your heart on them.
 ¹¹ Once God has spoken;
    twice have I heard this:
that power belongs to God,
 ¹²and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love.
For you will render to a man
   according to his work.

Fall Fanfare

Fall has not forgotten North Carolina. Wow, do I love it here; I'm wearing flip-flops and it's October 20th!! Today was a bit chilly for it, but before I stepped out of the house I didn't know it, and it really isn't that bad yet. The drive to work will be breathtaking soon as there are more than a million trees lining the interstate on my way in. This changing of seasons makes me want to go on a hay ride and pick pumpkins and drink hot apple cider and walk through a corn maze with friends. Though I don't particularly prefer cold weather at all I do find fall and winter rather romantic seasons. It's at this time of year where you just want to cuddle up on the couch with a special someone and watch a movie or look at all the beautiful scenery of the changing landscape...from the window. :)

As We Wait

Today I got to partake in the first Ladies' Gathering at CTF Raleigh led by our own Casey Long and Judy Telling. One thing a lot of us have been missing is the heart-to-heart really-get-to-know-you type of relationships so it's the hope at the church to rectify this and build more of a community atmosphere. We need others to join us in our crazy roller coasters of life, hold our hands, or just cheer us on. All of us were created for intimacy by a very intimate God which makes it understandable if we feel a piece of us missing when good relationships are not set in place. So begins our new journey. Together. As women of CTF.

This morning I was the designated one of coffee and food prep duty, which is always fun. Trying to figure out how to work the coffee making apparatus. haha. The Judy and Casey took us through the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 along the theme of waiting. Such an applicable topic for all of us. As Judy pointed out, we find ourselves waiting our whole lives for one thing or another it seems. It was comforting to hear some of the ladies' stories on the subject and to find hope again in the fact that the Lord remembers us in our waiting and answers the prayers of our heart. This group for me is even an answer in a small way to some of my prayers.

But waiting isn't a passive activity. We should wait with expectancy for the miraculous move of God that is there for us. For expectancy is the breeding ground for miracles to abound! I want my expectancy and my pull on God for His miracles to be so strong that He can't help but send mighty breakthrough, miracles, and angels on my behalf to turn my world upside down!

Grace in your waiting.

Right Where I Need to Be

In a consumerist, always-looking-for-the-next-best-thing society in which I find myself living, it is easy to continually search for the quick solution to every problem, shying away from hardships and anything that hints of bringing discomfort. We would much rather remember and recite, "For God so loved the world..." than, "in this world, you will have troubles." We were promised that we would face hardships, so how did we get sucked into the false theology that when we become Christians life becomes a breeze and if it's not than it's our fault or we are doing something wrong or we need to try something else? 

The Bible is full of stories of faithful and righteous people who have to go through the hard times. Some even had the same questions we often voice in the midst of trials. The key to point out is that we are going through the hard times; we will soon be on the other side of them! If you go through it, then sooner or later you will get past it. Good news, right?! The thing is, this does require a thing or two; namely perseverance.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, need nothing.         ~James 1:2-4

When is the last time I rejoiced in my suffering? I guess from time to time I look at hard situations and give them to God saying, "Have your way, Lord. Please make something good come out of this," but how much rarer is it for others to come along side and rejoice with me in my suffering? Sadly, I find they are more likely to encourage me to get out of whatever unpleasant circumstance is causing irritation. I don't blame them; they love me, but is it for the best? God is more concerned about our growth rather than our comfort, correct? 

 My boss says, "the safest place to be is in God's will." How glorious to know this for real! No matter what is going on around you, there is such immense peace and assurance when you know you are where you are meant to be, that you are acting in the center of God's will and purpose for your life. And I praise God that I have this assurance, I know I am right where I'm supposed to be. Though life doesn't really look like how I anticipated it to look like at this point, I know this to be true: I'm on the right track. And God has been faithful to tell me this multiple times, several times in the past few weeks and even once before I even got here! Wow, talk about preparation! He is a good God. When all else fades, He remains. He turns ashes into beauty. And He loves me too much to leave me this way. He sees me beautiful.


Peace.

 

Primer and Product

It's conference time once again and all are abuzz with busyness! Crazyness is the theme of the week but I haven't felt too stressed out thankfully. For this conference - The Time is Now with Bob Jones and Bobby Conner, Anthony Skinner and Amber Brooks - I am running the bookstore as a part of Catch the Fire USA. We just ordered new product and it arrived on Tuesday despite the lack of faith of Stacy. The new books are SO BEAUTIFUL!!! It's so exciting to have new things that hopefully people will want to purchase them! So with new books came the wonderful dilemma of where to put everything, and we are trying to make the bookstore a bit more attractive as well. Kathryn made a sketch for what we want it to look like and since we still have 3 days before the conference was to start we went out and bought shelves for the wall and paint to change the bookshelves from oak brown to chocolate/java brown. Yes, we were victorious and the bookstore went from piddly to chic and I am so proud!

One of the irritating issues of the project was the primer...I rather dislike the substance as it is much harder to wash off of ....everything; skin, laminate, etc. I somehow got the nasty stuff all the way up my thigh! What the heck. Kathryn's equivalent to paint thinner didn't really do much but thankfully I had picked up some Goo Gone at Walmart the other day and so you know now that it works on primer, on skin. Maybe I should write in to Tips from Eloise. As I was using it and the project seemed to be dragging on and on I kept thinking, "I will overcome. This primer will not defeat me." Not sure who really won in the end to be honest but the job is done and I'm quite proud. :D

Peace.

The Time is Now

The time is now for so many things. Or at least it feels that way. The time is now for something to give way in my life. I so want it to be that time; this in-between time and waiting seems to be getting a little stuffy. The thing is what is the other book end? What is it that I'm waiting to happen? What is it that is going to completely revolutionize my life and jump start me into something cool? Ha. 

We all experience the "in-between-ness" at some point or another though with varying degrees of feeling like we are in a barren wasteland of nothingness. Take high school for example. While hopefully not an entirely bad experience it is an in-between time that takes you from being a kid to being launched out into "the world" - or so some people call college. University is another, taking you from under your parents' roof to becoming more independent. For me I had the time between college and going to SOM and especially the time between SOM and moving to Raleigh where I felt very deeply the sense of "in-between-ness" and the ensuing antsy feeling of wanting to "get on with it". 

During those times I at least had a vague knowledge of where I was going next, what I wanted to be doing/what I was going to be doing. Now I'm just confused because I'm getting that antsy feeling wanting something to break but not knowing what that is in the slightest. The time is now for revelation. The time is now for breakthrough in yet other areas in my life. The time is now for relationships...wow, do I need some. I don't want to get into avoidance and denial issues again neglecting what God is doing in my under the surface, but I need something (ie people) to help occupy some of this thought time...something other than work, preferably. Grace. Grace to the race horse. Grace.

But one thing I want to know is this: have I been in so many short-term training situations (high school, college, study abroad, SOM, interning) that I have no concept of "settling down"? When I get to that place will I know how to plant roots and call a place 'home'? Am I even supposed to have any? I love traveling (though not really moving). Will I always be on the move? I guess I did get a prophetic word about that but, praise God, He did promise a "home base". That's nice. It would be lovely to be "home" right now....wherever that is. Yet I kinda feel the time for that is yet to come.

Peace.

In Love

Yes, love is in the air! The time is come to admit it: I am in love. It has been about two weeks since the discovery and I couldn't be more excited, happy, and energized. No, sorry it's not the boyfriend. Yet. That will come in a bit. At the moment, my love is called TurboFire, a high intensity cardio training program that a friend of a friend at church is letting our house borrow for a month. I LOVE IT!!! It is amazing and it makes me sweat buckets, which I actually enjoy. Some might find that odd, but I really do love jumping around and giving my heart a good workout. Breathing hard and using energy which in turn gives energy is such a great feeling. Most of it is based on kick-boxing with a little dance mixed in which is already a fun workout, the instructor is super positive and energetic, and it makes you feel good at the end.  I really don't want to have to give it back to the owner in a month. What am I going to do without it?! Getting out of shape again is not what I want to do.

Today the routine was called Fire 55 EZ meaning that it was 55 min and supposedly easy...? Yeah, right. Probably it didn't help that I had sort of just eaten but it was NOT an easy workout, but it was good. And I sweated through my shirt....I guess that makes it good, or at least beneficial.

And one thing I want to know is how instructors on fitness videos have their hair stay perfectly throughout the whole routine. Chalene always looks good, but she doesn't look overly made-up which I appreciate, however, along with her ponytail (of which I completely approve) she has side bangs that are never pinned back. There has to be some serious hairspray action going on there. Today I couldn't find an adequate bobby pin so I thought I would emulate; surely I could last one workout with hair in my face. Ha. Ha. Ha. My hair was wet and hanging down in strands before we even got to the second routine. How does she DO that? Not only does it stay in place but it doesn't get sweaty? Maybe they have high powered fans that whisk all the sweat away or they set the room at 50F or .... really I have no idea, but I don't think it's fair. :)

Peace

Book Madness

I'm soooooo happy and thankful that I have been blessed and healed to enjoy reading again! Reading is so fun! I'm almost done with The Return of the King which should help me have time for "more important" things. Like diving more into the Bible perhaps. :) There is so much allusion in the story of Aragorn, Frodo, and Gandalf; it's crazy! And fun to pick up. I'm also in the middle of a book called The Hidden Power of Prayer and Fasting by Mahesh Chavda which has been a really good (and easy) read. 

Along the lines of books, Catch the Fire USA just put in a substantial resource order to expand the bookstore and Catch the Fire Raleigh. I am SO SO, Oh, So excited. Honestly it was rather piddly and the product was super stagnant and we had no money so there was never anything new, different, or exciting happening in that area. We did even have Bibles! And we're a "church" bookstore!! Travesty. We were able to get an account with a distributing company so now we can buy books wholesale which helps immensely and it's in time for the conference this weekend!! Sa-weeet. That is what I have to say about it. Kathryn and I spent about four hours on Thursday re-pricing everything that we already had and tomorrow when everything comes in we'll get to do it all again! Oh, yay. I'm looking forward to a very successful weekend spreading the love of God through amazing books! Tangible presence of the Lord? ....I think so!

Growing Pains

Despite the assurance that I am loved and God never leaves and I am a daughter and countless other Truths that I know and believe, there are the occasional days where circumstances stir up emotions that say the opposite. Living on one's own is hard! Why can't I, when I run into uncharted territory - like setting up a new bank account, paying my first speeding ticket, or applying for a credit card - and am daunted by the thought of doing something slightly uncomfortable, turn the car around, go home and say, "Dad, what do I do? I don't know any of this."? There are so many things that I just don't want to deal with. *sigh* I need my dad to rescue me. He knew everything. Right? Well, we as kids at least think so.

These questions were on repeat in my head this morning as I was worrying about the threat of overdrafting my account and every other possible money question that rises to the surface. The Holy Spirit was, of course, right there telling me over and over again, "You are NOT alone. I AM right here. Don't worry. I am your Father and I do take good care of you. Why do you doubt that ALL my plans for you are good?" He did have to keep saying all this quite a few times before I could get past my own freaking out and listen to what He was saying. It still didn't seem like anything changed when I did but I want it to. 

It was rather shocking to me how despite knowing the Father's Love and all the inner healing I've received how much I still think like an orphan. So easily I fall into thinking that while God's end plan for me may be good, what He seemingly drags me through now will leave me hoping for a giant Tylenol when I get there. Yes, life is a journey but He hasn't left me. He still provides for me. And He loves me. And if He loves me why would and how could He wish pain or hurtful experiences on me? Not at all! God is faithful to use hurtful experiences to turn them into good things but He, Himself, will never cause me pain for "my good". PTL. I still don't truly get this but I believe it.

I am not alone. I'm not an orphan. I am a daughter. And God is my Father. :)

His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

Peace.

On to the Next

Last night I finished the second installment of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy: The Two Towers. Though I didn't enjoy how it was completely separated into two parts, so much so that I was prone to forget the whole other storyline while reading the other, I found the book quite exciting. Much more so than the movies. Now I'm on to the third; Return of the King. Hope I have time to read it soon. And hope I don't become completely irresponsible in every other area in order to find the time to do so. ;) Haha...well I guess I better get to it!

Peace.

Yum Yum & Fall

I love living in the South. We have had a nice long and full summer, it is still warm, and fall technically starts on Friday. I can stand this as fall as long as winter follows suit. It has been nice to have a bit more breezy weather so we can open our windows. Last night I slept with mine open...how I miss that! Though tragically I did not have the soothing sounds of 18-wheelers rumbling down I-465 to lull me to sleep it was nice to have the outside sounds and fresh air. Currently I'm enjoying the neighbors' jazz music floating through the window. :) 

I also love working for a produce company that subsidizing my grocery bill considerably and provides a wide variety of fruits and veggies to take home each week. Most of my cooking adventures consist of me pulling everything out of the fridge, looking at it all, and attempting to use as much as I can in one dish in hope that I can cook it before it goes bad. Usually it end up in some sort of chicken-vegetable stir-fry with the spices as the fluctuating variable. Yesterday I sauteed a variation of red pepper, white onion, mushrooms, and tomatoes and served it on top of chicken breasts. Yum! Oh, it's so good.

Today was the day I finally got around to making my squash soup. My housemate Abby asked for the recipe to which I replied, "Um, I don't use recipes..." But she and Annie tried it once it was done and said it was good. I think it turned out well too. So here is the just formed recipe for those looking for a nice way to welcome in the new season of fall! All recipes are open to the individual interpretation of the chef and will probably turn out fine no matter how you mix it. Below is just what I did this time. It always changes!


Kat's Sweet Potato Squash Soup
1 Acorn squash
3 Good-sized sweet potatoes
1 Large white onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, crushed
2 T Olive Oil
1 15 oz. can of diced tomatoes (or use fresh, whatever is on hand)
1 15 oz. can of chicken broth
2 cups of milk (I used 1%)
Basil, Oregano, Salt, Pepper, Red Pepper Flakes


Wash all the veggies. Cut the squash in half and take out pulp and seeds. Cut into fourths and place in stock pot with 3" of water on med-hi. Peel the sweet potatoes and cut in large chucks and add to pot. When squash can be pierced with a fork remove from pot and cut off skin. Take out sweet potatoes and reserve veggie water. 


Heat olive oil in pot and saute crushed garlic and diced onions about 5 min. Add squash, sweet potatoes, and veggie water and let cook on med for a while (sorry didn't look at the time... but this whole thing takes maybe 1.5 hours). Add tomatoes, salt (at least 1 t.), pepper, red pepper, basil (1 T.), and oregano (1 T.). Add about a cup of milk. When you're able, mash up the squash and sweet potato with potato masher. Test concoction and add more garlic, salt, red pepper flakes, and milk. Keep cooking to cook off some of the liquid.


When it tastes/looks good blend soup mixture in blender in about 2 cup increments. Add broth to each batch before blending. Return soup to pot for a final taste test. Blend in another 1/2 c. of milk to ensure creaminess. Serve immediately or allow to cool before transferring to containers. Freezes well. Makes....a lot. Enjoy!


Peace.

Boundaries & Other Connundrums

Boundaries are good things. Or so some say. This has been one teaching that is addressed in SOM (though our class missed it...maybe that says something), and, because it came from a respected source, is accepted without question. Now, I'm simply confused. Or perhaps the state is more that of pondering and contemplation, debating what I truly believe about the subject.

Boundaries are good.
In life there need to be definitive lines of delineation separating some things from others. "This is my half of the bedroom, sister, and that is yours. Stay over there." Most aren't too keen on having their neighbors throw trash or plant random flowers in their yard, thus, appreciating the reality of property lines. And we all need our personal space: "This is my bubble....and you are invading!" 

I think the lesson of personal boundaries has some rather large obstacles to overcome. First of all, when little we are all taught to share with others so confusion can set in when we are now grown up and are told, "You can say 'no'." Can we really? Are we truly allowed the privilege of deciding what we do and do not accept as responsibility? Well, yes. And especially when dealing with highly demanding or forceful people, or manipulating ones, passive aggressive ones, controlling ones, etc. it's the mark of a mature and self-assured person to stand one's ground and say that two-letter word that used to be so easy to say when we were 2 but now has become so mysteriously difficult to utter: NO! That is a personal boundary...and it's quite healthy.

The Art of Selflessness.
This sort of ties into boundaries yet isn't the opposite side of the coin by any means. -Some do say, however, that we shouldn't have boundaries because we should be open to any and everyone no matter their need and be like Jesus, always showing compassion to all.- I don't really think it is the same argument but whatever. So...selflessness. What happened to consideration of others? Common courtesy? Harmony? Peace? Have these things vanished entirely from my life? Does no one stand for them any more? Care about them....at all?!?! Oh, how I dearly miss when the majority of the people I was surrounded by were more considerate and helpful than demanding and "out-for-themselves". I find myself encountering more and more people that seem desperate to look out only for themselves and almost are scared to think where they would be left if they even tried to "meet-in-the-middle." Obviously everything is contextual, and maybe I'm being unreasonable, but must we make each others' lives miserable?


Isn't it great how when we are most offended the light often shines brightest on our own faults? I'm seeing that even as I observe this "starving-dog" attitude in others (eg I have to fight for every little thing I can cuz if I don't someone else will get it and then I'll never get anything or they'll either lord it over me), I can see it in myself. Comes from woundings, no doubt. Wounded people wound people out of their woundings. How pathetic. And sad. And irritating. Christ bled so we could be healed and set free! Why can't we let the hurt go and move on? *sigh* Hopefully I'm making progress here.


Perfectionism.
"Humility is of greater value to God than perfection." ~Misty Edwards
Question of the age: How do I truly grasp this yet live, function, and work in a society/world that is works/results-oriented? I don't want to be performance-based, yet when you are quickly reprimanded for what you didn't do or didn't do well and only praised for what you do and not the effort you are displaying, what kind messages are you supposed to believe? Actions speak louder than words, right? Well, when the above continually happens while the words are opposite, what am I supposed to think? I want to live for Humility; it sounds more fulfilling and rewarding in the long run. Yet how do I embrace being non-performance-oriented without totally tanking at my job/my responsibilities/etc? Papa, what is your remedy for this muddle of a mess we have made?


Peace.

Jerking Cars and Freedom

This week in Greenville, MS has been wonderful. The people of Grace Outreach Bible Church have been so hospitable, welcoming, and encouraging. They have been such a blessing to us even as we have been ministering to them all week, and there has been such transformation. I love breakthrough! I love seeing God work because there is no way that man can do work in the heart like He can. We have made such good friends and been blessed in so many ways. Only God.

We got to eat at Doe's Eat Place on Wednesday which is a famous, old, and run-down restaurant. Kathryn and I share a filet and I must say it was THE best steak we've ever eaten. Several in our party said that they thought they had had steak before but after Doe's they realized they hadn't really eaten steak until they ate at Doe's. You know how a lot of times you have steak and it is a bit of a jaw work out? This was NOTHING like this. It was one of the most enjoyable steak experiences ever. :) If you're ever around Greenville on the Mississippi look into investing in a Doe's steak. It's worth it!

I've been learning to drive a manual car this week; talk about an adventure. Before leaving Raleigh, Kathryn took me to a parking lot and we spent 20 min practicing and then hit the road. haha. The past few days I've driven to church and I'm proud to say the number of stalls have decreased. I very much appreciate Kathryn's easy-teaching nature and I'm quite glad that I can laugh at myself rather than getting frustrated. So the next hurdle is to be able to mount the driveway without killing the engine. :) Getting better makes driving less stressful but I still think driving a stick shift takes too much concentration. Should be pretty good by the time I get back to NC.

Peace.

M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I

This week is my first ILSOM! ILSOMs (International Leaders School of Ministry) are a shortened and condensed version of the Core Value Month that I went through up in Toronto - which I can't believe was just a year ago! I'm here to help - run the bookstore, do registration, be on ministry team, etc. - but I'm also getting to take notes and get a refresher course at the same time which I'm thankful for. Getting ready for it was a bit hectic but now that I know what is involved, it is my hope that for the next event there will be a lot less procrastination. 

Kathryn and I drove the whole 13hrs on Saturday night in hopes of beating some of the effects of Tropical Storm Lee. What a doozy! We were both glad we did it though because we were then able to attend the 11:00am service at the church where the ILSOM was going to be held. This way we were able to meet people and get a feel for the week and settle in a bit more. 

Sunday was outstanding! We got into town completely famished, found a diner for breakfast, and put on some "church" clothes in the bathroom. We were still under dressed. The lovely Southern folks at Grace Outreach Bible Church were a bit decked out with the worship team dressed in African attire and all the ladies in skirts and dresses. Despite the sleep deprivation it was easy to see/feel the Spirit of God all over the place. The worship was incredible and Pastor Reuben and his wife, Linda, are very prophetic. Before we took the communion elements he started calling out words of knowledge and ministries to people in the church. Seeing healing was incredible and fun to be a part of.

Kathryn and I are staying with a lady named Rose who couldn't be more hospitable. She even gave up her bedroom for us! After naps we went out for Mexican where we were about to get our food and the storm caused the power went out! Several people were told their food wouldn't be able to be prepared but ours came out right then nice and hot! Thank you, Jesus! We were quite hungry by that point. After a movie on the couch with our host we hit the sack again and slept quite well. :)

Today Stacy spoke on the Power of the Cross, Duncan on our Oneness with Christ, Buck (from CTF Houston) on Hearing God's Voice, and Kate on Soaking. The hearts of the people here are so open and ready for everything God has to pour out. I'm excited to see all the breakthrough and transformation that is going to happen this week! PTL.

Peace.

Vision Blockers

Thoughts taken from (and added to) a recent newsletter.... 

Lately I've been plowing through the issue of cloudy vision. Without clear vision we just go through life aimlessly and without true growth or direction. Our efforts are either misdirected and we end up somewhere completely different than what we thought we were aiming for, or are blocked and we find ourselves in relatively the same position as before. Either is a sad dilemma. I know I have definitely experienced both but at the moment for me it's more of the block. And it's not a block prohibiting forward movement in the natural but rather a hindrance in moving forward in the spiritual which THEN affects the natural as well. Everything is connected, ya know.

So what clouds our vision? Blocks our path? Inhibits us from seeing what is truly going on and then addressing the real problem? These are vital questions because, I believe, the enemy would love to have us running around wasting all our energy on something that isn't the REAL problem. If you address something not the issue then you'll never solve the real problem, you'll just have an answer for a question no one ever asked. And that would be sad.

So what blocks us? Well for my situation I found more than a few answers that all can fit in some way or combination. "Judging" was the first to be found. (It kind of came to me like a lightning bolt to the head....rather obvious, I guess.) When I judge others I block the way of mercy to come into my life (because mercy triumphs over judgment and you can't have mercy in the presence of judgment. You either walk in mercy OR you walk in judgment. No sitting on the fence on that one. And trust me, mercy is always better.). I need to get rid of my critical/judgmental eyes and thoughts before I can see clearly into what God is doing in my life and around me. 

"Fear", "Doubt", and "Unbelief" also blocks vision. When I have any of these spirits in me, my eyes have turned from being focused on God and are instead focused on them, my problems, or simply myself. As soon as I take my eyes and trust off God or look to Him through a filter of fear, doubt, and unbelief, any vision from Him (vision/direction that He gives me) also gets clouded with the fear, doubt, and unbelief, and the result is that confusion abounds. We then run around like chickens with our heads cut off on Doomsday unable to see what is going on and having no clue how to interpret what is going on. 

It's definitely time for "judging" and all it's buddies to hit the road, I do believe. I'd rather see clearly and tackle the real issues at hand head-on. So let's cut through the curtain (whatever guise it has on) which is most certainly based on pride, and learn to see in the Spirit with all clarity.

Peace. 

There is always hope...

Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for your because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.

Do not be afraid, for I am with you....

...Nothing is compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? 

I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland...Yes, I will make rives in the dry wasteland so my chose people can be refreshed...

...For I will pour out water to quench your thirst and to irrigate your parched fields. And I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants and my blessing on your children.


Peace.                                                                               Isaiah 43:1-4, 18-20, 44:3

Adventures in...

...the produce business. I must say the only downside to my produce job is the looming question that comes to the forefront at the start of every Wednesday: what rotten produce am I going to be met with today? The pungent odors of mushy rotten and oddly colored tomatoes and red peppers and fuzzy squash and cucumbers are enough to make you forget you ever liked vegetables. Gross! Why must I deal with these, you ask? Well, the leftover produce from Saturday would be dealt with sooner but on Wednesdays, several people from church go down town and pass out food to those in a rough neighborhood. Go Local donates it's leftovers...after I sort through all the grossness of course. Looking at it and picking it out, yes, even touching it (with gloves) would not be too bad if I didn't have to smell it. But then on Fridays the cycle starts again and I am blessed to smell all the fresh new fruits and veg and Wednesdays are soon forgotten. Unless they make a good story. 

...on the road bike. I know I have to apologize to my bike when I attach the air pump and the pressure gauge says 40psi! It's supposed to be 100 and if it gets as low as 40 you can tell I haven't been riding it in a very long time. So something came over me as I set out and instead of doing my normal ride on Buffoloe Road I turned and went... somewhere. Had no clue where I was going and finally came out on a busy road; not this biker's fave. I decided to go straight as to not merge on the traffic-ridden highway but soon realized it was a truck access road. Bummer. Back to the big road. I would have just gone back the way I came but with no car to trip the sensor I thought I'd give it a go and try to make a U-turn up the way. It eventually happened and I finally got back to where I started, but it was not a leisure, care-free ride by any means. Amazing how some cars give you a mile of space and others a foot. Guess it makes you work on riding in a straight line so you don't get mowed over by a dump truck. Ha.

Peace.

Disappointment & Excitement All in One

Today I cooked up some eggplant, of the NC Machiaw variety, and it tasted like fish. Now, I like fish, but this was disgusting and a bit discomforting. Definitely not what I was expecting. Next time I will stick to the other kinds I think.

On a happier note I get to board a plane in about 15 hours to venture north to the homeland again. Quite excited, to the point of dancing when I think about it.


Peace.

The Beatitudes

Currently, I'm reading The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey; recommended to me by a friend, which I now recommend to anyone else. Part one gives context to Jesus' time on earth explaining Jewish traditions and why Jesus would've acted in a certain way or done certain things. Now I'm on Part two which is one why Jesus came in the first place, what His message was, etc.

So we begin with the Beatitudes. I don't think I have thought of the Beatitudes lately at all. The Sermon on the Mount, I find, is the core message of Christ; the teachings here lay the foundation of everything that God wants us to know, understand, and live out. This is His true heart. Yet I can't remember the last time I contemplated "blessed are the poor in heart." And what does that even mean? It's sad that when a concept is out of my realm of understanding I often shy away from digging to find meaning....because that would be too hard now wouldn't it? So often these days, the message I hear is "the favor of God, the favor of God, the favor of God" as if life is now to be easy once you tap into the correct theology. Now I totally believe and have experienced the unmerited favor of the Lord, but can we be falling into one extreme and forgetting the other side of balance?

No doubt the Beatitudes is a hard message to swallow anyway, but place it next to the "teachings" of the world and one's mind swims. The world screams, "Blessed are those who work hard, get ahead, are successful, etc"   
J.B. Philips rendered the Beatitudes that apply in the kingdom of this world:
Happy are the "pushers": for they get on in the world.
Happy are the hard-bioled: for they never let life hurt them.
Happy are they who complain: for they get their own way in the end.
Happy are the blase: for they never worry over their sins.
Happy are the slave-drivers: for they get results.
Happy are the knowledgeable men of the world: for they know their way around.
Happy are the trouble-makers: for they make people take notice of them.

How true is that! I can see that all over our culture and especially having studied Business, it feels like these worldy "Beatitudes" are just accepted as principle. If you want to fully participate in society you must follow these rules, and if you don't you won't last very long. Jesus on the other hand teaches, "Blessed are the losers and those who are grieving a loss. How lucky are the unlucky! Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are the desperate, the persecuted, the hungry, the thirsty, the down-and-out, the ridiculous." It doesn't make much sense to me, but if this is the group of people who God delights to bless then I know I am blessed beyond compare!!


"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."


God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for Him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the humble, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of GOd.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for doing right, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. 
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 
Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. 

It's all about the heart.

Compilation

On my delivery drive today I passed a church sign that said, "Hell is hotter than this Sunday worship." I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or just pray. Must admit I am rather confused; is this a good thing? This makes me think that their Sunday worship is a bucnh of monotone singers putting the congregation to sleep with their songs of perhaps good words and meaning but no heart, soul, or spirit. What has worship come to? I definitely want my worship to be hotter than hell. We are supposed to be one with God who is the all-consuming fire which I imagine is rather hot. Can anything be hotter? I doubt it. Therefore, MY God is hotter than hell. So there.

God=hot. Hell=not.

Today our delicious produce package included sprite melons which I had never tried before. I was somewhat wary because I dispise honeydew and cantelope, but this was a sweeter melon and, as the discription said, with a slight pear flavor.

Got the news this week that my sister will be going to Toronto to do the school that I did last year!!!! I am so so so so very excited and, of course, extremely proud. Can't believe that it was only a year ago that I was there. Sending her off makes me miss it and wish I could go back and live in an unattractive building with questionable food but with 50 other passionate young people crazy about the Holy Spirit and not worry about anything "real life". To each time a season, I know. It was great and now is too. It's going to be awesome to see her transformed under the intimate love of Abba!! Yay yay yay!

Speaking of my fabulous sister, tomorrow is her birthday and I get to see her on Wednesday!!! Get to go to Indy for a week and I'm stoked, especially to go to church. Last time I was there I missed out, but not this time! Looking forward to some lovely birthday celebrations, raspberry picking, and family time.

Peace.

All things work together

God is amazing...whenever I take the time to think about life in a wider scope I marvel every time at how God orchestrates things and causes all things to work for my good. Because He loves me.

Just think about it...about five months ago I moved to Raleigh knowing next to no one and went without a job for three months. Now, because I stepped out in the direction I knew He was pointing me (though seeing not much of the path beneath me) and He lined up everything else I have two reputable job titles that I would be pleased to put on my resume and I'm in two positions that I both love and learn from. Not to mention it will be nice to have an income where I can pay for food, bills, debts, etc. Sweet.

And I know it's not all about the resume and honestly I would be happy never to have to use one again, but being a business student who had to compile one for every class and had its "importance" pounded in my head, it's nice to know I am strengthening it as I go. Cool how God knows what is important to us and likes to bless us in those ways as well.

Peace.

Story Time

The Persistent Widow

One day Jesus told His disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.

"There was a judge in a certain city who neither feared God nor cared about people. And there was a widow in that town who came to him repeatedly with the plea, 'Grant me justice in this dispute with my enemy.'

"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'I don't fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I'm going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!' "

And the LORD said, "Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. Even h rendered a just decision in the end. So don't you think God will surely give justice to His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will grant justice to them quickly. But when the Son of Man returns, how many will He find on the earth who have faith?"

Luke 18:1-8

July is the Best Month

I love summer. It would be nice to have it year-round with maybe one month of spring one of fall and one of winter interspersed in there to give some variety. Other than that, summer will suffice. So glad we have a pool key now and it's only a little jaunt up/down the street to get there. Summer is great!

Reasons summer is the best...
- You don't have to wear long sleeves. Every. Single. Day.
- Warm = always better than cold. (i.e. warm-hearted>cold-hearted. point proved)
- You can get a nice tan.
- Swimming. And pools. And the beach. And sand.
- It's married to the sun and they had a baby named Ice Cream.
- Who lays in the grass to look at the clouds when it's 30F?
- Sunglasses are cooler in the summer.
- Less likely to get the sniffles.
- You'll be less depressed if you don't have anyone to cuddle with because it's so hot you wouldn't even think of cuddling in the first place.
- It's the only time Ocean Park, ME is worth visiting. And the only time that amazing soda fountain is open!
- Cook-outs are the bomb!
- My birthday is in the summer. :)
- The sun stays out longer => less depression. It's a proven fact.

And I could go on, but I won't overwhelm with all the fabulous reasons why summer is great. Hope you're enjoying it to the fullest. Now, go eat some ice cream.

Peace.

Bless-ed be the Watermelon

Got to experience the wholesale farmers' market this morning at the way-too-early 6am. Ohmigoodness. And it wasn't all that exciting either. Good experience. Sweet farmers. Spotted some okra and it made me really want some and miss the BOL garden. Ned and I picked up some squash, zucchini, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and cabbage. As I washed the potatoes, Ned went to get peaches but instead came back with over 100 watermelons!! Oh, wow. Talk about a workout unloading all those suckers. We sorted everything today and trying to fit 12 different items around a watermelon that took up the majority of the tub was a challenge; but not one that would master us. I must say that is one good looking tub of produce. Very colorful with the green of cabbage and watermelon, red of tomatoes and bell pepper, orange of ...oranges, and yellow of squash and bananas. The business should boom after this week for sure. :) Oh, and mangoes! Who wouldn't want a mango! Now I have the fortunate problem of figuring out how to consume/deal with seven of this amazing fruit due to the fact I bought some earlier this week because they were on sale! Had no idea I would get more with Go Local. But you will not hear me complain about this predicament. No, sir. Looking forward to a week full of healthy and delicious eats!

Peace.

How Sweet It Is....

The beauty of the cross will have its way in me.

Hello, I'm the Vegetable Lady

Produce of the day includes a baby white eggplant and blueberries. Excitement at its fullest. Since we are talking about food, I can now add fish - trout specifically - to my cooking repertoire. Courtesy of my dear friend who fishes at Gulf Shores, I have had a good supply of fish for the past few weeks enabling me to not worry about buying meat. This last batch was made with rosemary and turned out absolutely delicious. However, after having it for the past week, I'm ready for a hamburger.

In other job-related news, I've been painting a house this week - much fun. A guy from church has a home repair business and is remodeling a house that had a tree fall on it from the tornado, and he hired me to paint with them. I rather enjoyed it. There's something about doing manual labor and sweating in a non-airconditioned house with a paint brush in hand that I find more enjoyable than staring at a flickering computer screen. Call me crazy. He might have other jobs for me coming up but with all the other job offers I've been getting (seriously!) I don't know how much I'll be able to do, sadly. We'll see how it goes.

The Wedding Channel

Well, congratulations to me. I have arrived. I am now at the age where anyone who hasn't seen me in a while - a while being anywhere from two years to two weeks- feels it necessary to ask if I have found anyone yet. "Are you dating? Met anyone? Interested in anyone? Anyone?" Friends and past roommates are getting engaged and married more and more now, and I'm enjoying looking at all the pictures on Facebook. While I am looking forward to when I get to speak about weddings in the present first-person, I find I can also be petrified at the idea of marriage. Weddings, sure no problem! We, as Americans, have the wedding down, and if you have any qualms about yours, just flip on the TV and you will find countless shows telling you how to make it grand. Sure, wonderful, but a wedding is a day. What comes after you blow however much money and then it's just the two of you? The day when it's you and whoever the lucky (?) person who promised to live with you....for the rest of your lives. Yikes! Yes, that would be marriage.

Now I'm single (which means I can live however I want!). Makes sense to learn all I can about marriage now so hopefully we don't screw it up. What makes a marriage work? But not just work, but flourish? I don't want to become the bane of someone's existence, especially when that "someone" considered it a joy to ask me to be his bride when we were in love. Marriage is important! God created it to be amazing and I definitely want mine to be amazing. Hard? and Work? Duh, you have to live with someone else day-in and day-out, and not just co-exist but get into each others lives, draw out the good to display and pull out the bad to get rid of, to stretch and encourage one another, and honor. It's all about honor. Marriage is powerful. Two people working as one; multiplied anointings, giftings, and talents. What is hers is yours now, right?

I was chatting with a guy my age the other day (I'll call him Jack), I didn't really know him but we had mutual acquaintances and I had heard of him before. Jack mentioned a girl (Sue) who I know and said they were dating, well, they had been dating but they were "taking a break." Jack rolled his eyes like it was all Sue's idea and he had no idea what that meant or why they were doing it. We chatted about some plans we had down the road in our respective lives and for Jack, this is what he has going..."Well, I'm seeing what is going to happen with Sue and me. I mean, we're either going to get hitched, or I'm going to move to Atlanta for this job." Um...excuse me? "Well, we might get hitched. Or not."    ???    He said it so flippantly as if he "might" have Cheerios for breakfast. Or maybe he'll just have toast. Really?! Marriage is not just something to enter on a whim. That's how so many people get burned. It's a covenant. It's for real. And it's for life. Oh, but it's awesome. Again won't it be great when I get to say all this from first-hand experience. :)

Closing thought: Biblically, marriage is to be about honoring the other; it's an intimate place to practice laying down oneself for another. A great place to learn and gain experience in dying to self, right? Personally, I would love to get married. So, if a=b and b=c making a=c, does this mean I would love to die? Well, not particularly; it might hurt. But maybe that is what this prep time in my life is for: learn to die now so when we add in another component it won't be so much of a shock. Hmmm. So glad I have Help in all this.

Peace.

Yay! Found it!

Lost something? Pray about it. Seriously, why not? He knows where everything is anyway.

Today was one of answered prayers (whether or not I actually prayed them). So cool; I found several things that I had misplaced and had no clue where they were. And I'm not one to lose a lot of things. I typically remember where I put things or I can trace it back in my mind and find where I randomly placed them, but over the course of a couple months some things meandered out of my recollection.

1. My Nike duffle bag. Yay, I found it....stuffed in the back of my closet behind all the blankets and comforters that I won't be using for another four and a half months. Would've been helpful to have that for the Nashville trip, but I'm glad to know where it is.
2. My tan bra. Yay, I found it....under the bed??? No matter, it's a very important discovery. Thanks God for the guidance - I was looking under the bed for the aforementioned bag and found this instead!! Sweet.
3. My house key!!!! Yay, i found it....in my running shoe. haha. Yeah, may sound weird but when I go running I take it off the key chain and carry it in my shoe (so I don't have to hold it) which can cause problems if it doesn't get put back on the key chain. Wow, I thought I was going to have to take everything out of my chest of drawers in case it had fallen in one of them, but no, I just need to run more often. If I had used my shoes before today, I would have found the key sooner! Lesson learned = exercise daily. :)

Thanks, God, for found items!

Favor and Fruit!

So many times I have heard and read and probably even spoken about how great and powerful forgiveness and inner healing are. Truly since learning of the Arnotts' teachings on these subjects I have been a strong believer and supporter. But you know there is a difference between believing in something and actually have experience in the area and having a story to back it up. Yes, I would be comfortable teaching on forgiveness; I have done quite a bit of it in my relatively short lifetime. Yes, I could give examples on how I've gotten freedom from it, but since the main people I have had to forgive are no longer in my life, I couldn't really say how the forgiveness process has helped the relationships even if they did help/heal my own heart. Heart healing = good. But having an outward manifestation would be awesome. Here comes the story, because I now have one!

The first stop on my fabulous Nashville getaway was to meet with my ministry friend. Basically we get together and let the Holy Spirit tell us what is going on with one another (heart issues we aren't aware of) and we pray through it, forgive, repent, and get freedom. The essence of quality time in my book. So I had some relationship junk to unpack and she most kindly helped me sort through it all. Tears, repentance, forgiveness, honoring, and speaking truth = a much lighter, happier, and encouraged me. Wasn't too excited about coming back to Raleigh to deal with the situation but when I faced it (with new peace and confidence) I was blown away by the change of circumstances. Outwardly nothing had happened but because I have chosen to walk in forgiveness and honor, my relationships have exponentially improved. I actually enjoyed them! Wow. How cool. And to really see that my attitude, albeit unspoken, directly affects the relationship dynamic. Crazy. Good to know I have the power to change things though I feel like shying away from taking responsibility for changing things most of the time. :) Don't we all.

Another cool thing happening is the job favor that is coming. An attitude of honor brings favor, I do believe. Yay! It has been three months here in Raleigh and I still don't have a "job" job. Things are getting pretty tight though at just the right times, people have been blessing me with money and things I need. Before I left for Nashville though I was approached with a couple job offers, two part-time gigs that can grow and one one-time job that could lead to others, all of which that would actually pay me! Exciting. Since getting back I've been approached about two other possible jobs and have been learning more about the previous three. God is amazing. I would love to start saving again, and tithing. Hallelujah.

Peace.