Boundaries are good things. Or so some say. This has been one teaching that is addressed in SOM (though our class missed it...maybe that says something), and, because it came from a respected source, is accepted without question. Now, I'm simply confused. Or perhaps the state is more that of pondering and contemplation, debating what I truly believe about the subject.
Boundaries are good.
In life there need to be definitive lines of delineation separating some things from others. "This is my half of the bedroom, sister, and that is yours. Stay over there." Most aren't too keen on having their neighbors throw trash or plant random flowers in their yard, thus, appreciating the reality of property lines. And we all need our personal space: "This is my bubble....and you are invading!"
I think the lesson of personal boundaries has some rather large obstacles to overcome. First of all, when little we are all taught to share with others so confusion can set in when we are now grown up and are told, "You can say 'no'." Can we really? Are we truly allowed the privilege of deciding what we do and do not accept as responsibility? Well, yes. And especially when dealing with highly demanding or forceful people, or manipulating ones, passive aggressive ones, controlling ones, etc. it's the mark of a mature and self-assured person to stand one's ground and say that two-letter word that used to be so easy to say when we were 2 but now has become so mysteriously difficult to utter: NO! That is a personal boundary...and it's quite healthy.
The Art of Selflessness.
This sort of ties into boundaries yet isn't the opposite side of the coin by any means. -Some do say, however, that we shouldn't have boundaries because we should be open to any and everyone no matter their need and be like Jesus, always showing compassion to all.- I don't really think it is the same argument but whatever. So...selflessness. What happened to consideration of others? Common courtesy? Harmony? Peace? Have these things vanished entirely from my life? Does no one stand for them any more? Care about them....at all?!?! Oh, how I dearly miss when the majority of the people I was surrounded by were more considerate and helpful than demanding and "out-for-themselves". I find myself encountering more and more people that seem desperate to look out only for themselves and almost are scared to think where they would be left if they even tried to "meet-in-the-middle." Obviously everything is contextual, and maybe I'm being unreasonable, but must we make each others' lives miserable?
Isn't it great how when we are most offended the light often shines brightest on our own faults? I'm seeing that even as I observe this "starving-dog" attitude in others (eg I have to fight for every little thing I can cuz if I don't someone else will get it and then I'll never get anything or they'll either lord it over me), I can see it in myself. Comes from woundings, no doubt. Wounded people wound people out of their woundings. How pathetic. And sad. And irritating. Christ bled so we could be healed and set free! Why can't we let the hurt go and move on? *sigh* Hopefully I'm making progress here.
Perfectionism.
"Humility is of greater value to God than perfection." ~Misty Edwards
Question of the age: How do I truly grasp this yet live, function, and work in a society/world that is works/results-oriented? I don't want to be performance-based, yet when you are quickly reprimanded for what you didn't do or didn't do well and only praised for what you do and not the effort you are displaying, what kind messages are you supposed to believe? Actions speak louder than words, right? Well, when the above continually happens while the words are opposite, what am I supposed to think? I want to live for Humility; it sounds more fulfilling and rewarding in the long run. Yet how do I embrace being non-performance-oriented without totally tanking at my job/my responsibilities/etc? Papa, what is your remedy for this muddle of a mess we have made?
Peace.
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