Growing Pains

Despite the assurance that I am loved and God never leaves and I am a daughter and countless other Truths that I know and believe, there are the occasional days where circumstances stir up emotions that say the opposite. Living on one's own is hard! Why can't I, when I run into uncharted territory - like setting up a new bank account, paying my first speeding ticket, or applying for a credit card - and am daunted by the thought of doing something slightly uncomfortable, turn the car around, go home and say, "Dad, what do I do? I don't know any of this."? There are so many things that I just don't want to deal with. *sigh* I need my dad to rescue me. He knew everything. Right? Well, we as kids at least think so.

These questions were on repeat in my head this morning as I was worrying about the threat of overdrafting my account and every other possible money question that rises to the surface. The Holy Spirit was, of course, right there telling me over and over again, "You are NOT alone. I AM right here. Don't worry. I am your Father and I do take good care of you. Why do you doubt that ALL my plans for you are good?" He did have to keep saying all this quite a few times before I could get past my own freaking out and listen to what He was saying. It still didn't seem like anything changed when I did but I want it to. 

It was rather shocking to me how despite knowing the Father's Love and all the inner healing I've received how much I still think like an orphan. So easily I fall into thinking that while God's end plan for me may be good, what He seemingly drags me through now will leave me hoping for a giant Tylenol when I get there. Yes, life is a journey but He hasn't left me. He still provides for me. And He loves me. And if He loves me why would and how could He wish pain or hurtful experiences on me? Not at all! God is faithful to use hurtful experiences to turn them into good things but He, Himself, will never cause me pain for "my good". PTL. I still don't truly get this but I believe it.

I am not alone. I'm not an orphan. I am a daughter. And God is my Father. :)

His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

Peace.