Continuing Travels

It has been two months to the day that I moved down to Raleigh - not all that sorry I'm not even there to celebrate the occasion. It is graduation time for Covenant Christian High School and my beautiful best friend, who also happens to be my sister, is graduating today!!! Amazingness is the theme of the moment and I couldn't be happier that I get to be a part of it all...wouldn't want it any other way. And like most big moments, this one has got me pondering other important or core things in life; like love, time, home, family...

Seeing as it is 2011, that would mean it has been a whopping four years since I graduated high school. Basically it seems like it was just last month and I can't believe where the time has gone and knowing that it has been so long makes me feel ancient. Yeah, I know, I know. It's only been four years...not a big deal. But am I where I thought I would be or where I wanted to be in four years? Well, honestly back then I think my brain was on the fritz and barely functioning after my exams and such and therefore was not thinking about much at all, but I would say I would've been mostly happy, or at least pleasantly impressed with my current situation. Life is good. As I was contemplating the "escape" of time one very good friend pointed out, "Well, look at all the things you have done in the past four years!" And this is not to slip into a doing/being debacle but honestly SOOOO much has happened in the past four year, it's really not like they are wasted years by any stretch of the imagination. PTL. He has blessed me so much! I've graduated college, lived in four different places, and traveled to nine different countries...I like the sound of all that! And that is just the topical boring stuff...to think of who I was back then and who I am now! God is faithful; that's all I have to say.

You know how they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder," or "you never know what you have til it's gone"? I typically despise these comments believing that whoever falls suspecible to making these statements true was never able to enjoy the blessings of life while they were in front of him. Well, nothing like moving away from your home and family to make you want to go back (for some people at least). Yes, Indiana is flat, Indiana isn't all that exciting, Indiana has ridiculous, crazy and unpredictable weather, Indiana is home. Life exists in Indiana, and that is where my family is. It's not all that bad and I'm very glad I got to visit. I love my home!

Once again I find myself eternally grateful for SOM. PTL for relationships. Just coming home for a short visit my heart is so happy and so full of love an joy; I'm so glad that I can enjoy relationship to such an extent. Thank you, God, for healing my heart up so much and enabling me to partake in such intimacy and joyful relationships. Before of course, I loved my family but showing any sort of emotion or love was limited and to be summed up in one word: awkward. Now...I LOVE THEM!!!! Yes, I'm a goofy sap and I will attack you with a hug. Everyone needs hugs. Hugs are amazing. And I mean REAL hugs. Not a side hug - which are good for those awkward strangers you don't really know yet - or a limpy good-to-see-you hug, but a real, front-on, I-LOVE-YOU-MAN hug! They are the best, and everyone needs one. They want one too even if they don't know it.

Someone the other day asked how I thought I had grown since my time in Raleigh. I think growing in all the above would be a good answer. Growing up is hard. Living on one's own is hard. Growth in itself is hard. But it is gooooood. So, yes I have grown. No need for getting scared that nothing has changed since I left....He is molding me and I am changing. Thank goodness. May the process continue and go deeper.

Peace.

Reflection

This week I'm staying over with the Smith girls where I have been more immersed in Dr. Who and the lives of three dramatic and energitic teenage girls. Living as a part of another family has brought with it some interesting reflections and realizations...
1. As many say with babysitting, staying with teenagers could serve as a great birth control. Perhaps more should try it. Por lo menos, staying with someone else's kids makes one rethink the romantic notion of having his/her own kids. It's not all giggles and sunshine sorry to say.

2. Additionally, for one without kids staying with other's kids brings into clear sight just how difficult or weighty motherhood/parenthood is. Raising kids is not simple. It also makes me see that with the grace of God my mom did just a fantastic job helping shape me into who I am today...and I'm amazed she was able to help me turn out this good. Can't imagine what I would be like without her! Love you, Mom!

3. At the start of this temporary relocation I was looking for a nice reprieve from my own house, but living in someone else's home has made me realize in yet another way just how lovely my home back home is and how great my family is. God truly blessed me with just the one I needed. Makes me even more excited that I get to go home next week and see everyone!

Peace.

I know...

I know, deep in my heart, that there is someone out there who is in desperate need for me to work for them and not just help their business but to improve it. I know I have skills. I have talents. I have drive. I have motivation. I want to work. I desire to put my efforts into making someone's business better. Who wants average these days anyway? Average just doesn't cut it any more. We want spectacular, and I would love to help someone make their business spectacular. Please, whoever you are, I want to bring efficiency to your business. I want to help you spread your cause to your market in Raleigh. Yes, hire me, and you will not be disappointed in the work you receive in return. No one else has ever been. That's right, I have references, and they all say I'm amazing. And no, that's not bragging; it's just saying it like it is. That's what I know.

And did I mention I have a degree? Or two? I got them in three years...perhaps this would demonstrate my work ethic to you? I have other examples if that doesn't cut it.Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Kat
~the girl who still needs a job and would love to make your life easier~

Saturday

Happy Saturday. For me, one without employment at the moment, these days are quite enjoyable; sleep in, get back in the grove of reading la Biblia, journal a bit, do some exercise videos, and look forward to a yummy bbq this evening with friends (or those who have the capacity of becoming friends). So, yeah, good day.

Last night was the May Burning set (six hours of worshipping our amazing God). I got there in the middle of the second set which is Soaking but they were doing fire tunnels which is always fun. I was to MC the last set 10:30-12am but I was looking forward to some who-cares-who-is-around-me-go-after-it-worship in the set prior. It was good, yet I spent most of the time in a completely different emotional state than I was expecting. Odd. There are some times when my spirit or soul is in a different place than those on stage and dispite their urging I know/feel I must work through whatever is going on inside of me in order to move forward/get healing/whatever. Last night was like this where I saw something which unexpectantly triggered something in me and I spent a lot of the night crying. "Better out than in," as Ash says. I hadn't thought the issue needed more processing at that specific moment - I was there to worship after all - but, Lord, if you have more healing for me, I will take it.

MCing with Hans was no big deal...the worship team was so good they just kept going the whole time so all I had to do was pray at the beginning. That's the mercy of God right there I'm sure...He knows I wasn't really in the condition to do much more than that. Ended the night with dancing and late night grub with friends. Can't wait for our BURNING CONFERENCE next month; it's going to be fantastic. Imagine a three day conference focused on worship with a six-hour worship set in the mix!! yeah, it's going to be good. Register and come to Raleigh! (http://www.ctfraleigh.com/) :)

Below is the painting that I started in church last Sunday and spent a good deal of yesterday completing. It is titled "Praise".

Think that was all I had for the moment...the profound comment component is running on energy-saver mode currently and therefore unavailable for this post. Blessings!!

Peace.

Tid Bits

Seems like a bullet point kind of day...

• Raleigh is beautiful. Everytime I get to look at the gorgeous trees here, I get all happy inside. They are sooooo GREEEEN!!! God is beautiful.
• Despite anything I may think is uncomfortable in life really isn't all that bad. My life is good. Because God is good. And He really is taking care of me. I know that. I choose to believe it too. Amen.
• I'm back on the job hunt. I had a good interview last week and it went well but then I got one of those automated replies that said I wasn't going to be getting an offer. Bummer. Honestly, I think it was cuz I was a bit overqualified. Really I wouldn't mind working below my qualifications but nobody is giving me the time of day. grrr. I just need a job!
• Due to being in the room when the schedule was being made, I was put on the Sunday schedule for painting during service on the 15th. Uhh...ok? I guess I have a little time to prepare for that...oh, except when I got the emailed schedule it had me down for the 1st. Haha, a bit different, I think. Why come to Raleigh? To get stretched. Check. Prayer answered. So, yesterday I painted during worship. It's the biggest I've done so far and it's not entirely done yet but I'll post a pic when I finish it. Also, when worship was over, someone came up and expressed interest in buying it!!! Whaaaattt....?!?! wow. that's all I have to say. :)
• Mark your calendars, folks! Kat is going to be traveling to Mississippi for an ILSOM this September! I'll be going with Duncan and Kate and others to Greensville for the Leaders School, hopefully in preparation to go with them to Australia next January. (fingers crossed...in prayer of course!)
• Tonight at the leaders monthly meeting I was mentioning to some of the women how I still need a job and a man perked up when I said I had a business degree and said he has about 8 openings for a certain position that need to be filled ASAP. Not sure it was exactly what I was looking for but sa-weet, I already applied, and hopefully I'll get back second base on this one.
• You know, when I heard that Bin Laden had been shot, I actually felt compassion for the guy? Poor man; he didn't know his Father. Let's pray for our enemies more; maybe they can be converted to brothers, prayer is powerful.

Peace.

"Yet Again"

With all the truth I have
I feel so far behind
Has it benefitted me at all
Or have I just thrown it to the ground
Have I discarded your word?
Have I passed you by?

May I climb that tree again
May I call your name in the streets
May I seek you with abandon
May I act a fool for you
'Til all my walls are puddles at your feet
....yet again

I feel so lost
Though you say you're beside me
You say you neve leave me
And I have the Comforter inside me
Do I just torment myself?
Have I yet learned anything from you?

Why have I let my hands be bound?
Where have I buried my heart?
How clogged are my ears?
Take the shades away from my eyes
And teach me the way of surrender
....yet again

Melt me, LORD
Soften me with love
Bathe me in your oil
Smother me in fragrance

Prepare me to be your Bride
Inside and out may I be transformed
You call me, 'Lovely,' may it be so
Let me be all you have dreamed I should be
May I see myself for how you made me
....yet again

Pregnant

Love it when a word I heard ages ago comes back and hits me square in the face. Perhaps it needed time to marinate...perhaps it wasn't it's time yet for me...perhaps I wasn't ready for it or I wasn't in the right place at the moment, but praise God for podcasts. Awhile back AJ Jones at Emanate spoke on Pregnancy in the Spirit and I considered it a good message but I had no clue where I fit in the spectrum. Was I in the Intimacy stage, where everything begins; the preparation stage, where harmful habits are replaced with healthier ones; the germination stage, where things beginning growing inside but no one can tell and often where purging takes place still; the expansion period, where people do start noticing and preparation is kicked into high gear; the kicking stage, when you just want the thing to get out already; or the birthing stage, where all you can do is push with all you have? Uh...I felt like I was in the birth control stage actually where even if I wanted to birth something there was a bit of a contraceptive problem prohibiting anything from happening.

Life seasons have obviously been changing a lot lately. Can we call SOM an intimacy period? Perhaps yes though I would be the first to say I should most definitely revisit that a lot more. Even while there I could sense sometime stirring up in me. It was that deep ache in the deepest part of me that wanted to come out in any way possible, the kind that, when allowed, typically manifested itself in a groan or deep yell for who can put words to a spiritual longing? I guess then I didn't give it much thought; surely it was just me releasing pain of the past...or something. And it probably was, but what if it were more??

And here I am, in yet another new season/stage. So, where am I? I'm not sure; I'm not satisfied that is for sure. There has to be more coming. Surely. At the conference last week I had the spontaneous thought that perhaps I am pregnant with something. Something is coming! It's gotta come out sometime! Lord, have I prepared my "body" well for this baby? Am I living in such a way that this pregnancy will be a healthy one? Have I prepared externally? I just hope I know when it's time to push...I definitely don't want to be pregnant longer than necessary or delay the birth just because I'm not paying attention. And I want to be a good mother to whatever this is that God's going to birth through me, just as any pregnant woman desires to care for her naturally born child.

"Behold, I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."