So many times I have heard and read and probably even spoken about how great and powerful forgiveness and inner healing are. Truly since learning of the Arnotts' teachings on these subjects I have been a strong believer and supporter. But you know there is a difference between believing in something and actually have experience in the area and having a story to back it up. Yes, I would be comfortable teaching on forgiveness; I have done quite a bit of it in my relatively short lifetime. Yes, I could give examples on how I've gotten freedom from it, but since the main people I have had to forgive are no longer in my life, I couldn't really say how the forgiveness process has helped the relationships even if they did help/heal my own heart. Heart healing = good. But having an outward manifestation would be awesome. Here comes the story, because I now have one!
The first stop on my fabulous Nashville getaway was to meet with my ministry friend. Basically we get together and let the Holy Spirit tell us what is going on with one another (heart issues we aren't aware of) and we pray through it, forgive, repent, and get freedom. The essence of quality time in my book. So I had some relationship junk to unpack and she most kindly helped me sort through it all. Tears, repentance, forgiveness, honoring, and speaking truth = a much lighter, happier, and encouraged me. Wasn't too excited about coming back to Raleigh to deal with the situation but when I faced it (with new peace and confidence) I was blown away by the change of circumstances. Outwardly nothing had happened but because I have chosen to walk in forgiveness and honor, my relationships have exponentially improved. I actually enjoyed them! Wow. How cool. And to really see that my attitude, albeit unspoken, directly affects the relationship dynamic. Crazy. Good to know I have the power to change things though I feel like shying away from taking responsibility for changing things most of the time. :) Don't we all.
Another cool thing happening is the job favor that is coming. An attitude of honor brings favor, I do believe. Yay! It has been three months here in Raleigh and I still don't have a "job" job. Things are getting pretty tight though at just the right times, people have been blessing me with money and things I need. Before I left for Nashville though I was approached with a couple job offers, two part-time gigs that can grow and one one-time job that could lead to others, all of which that would actually pay me! Exciting. Since getting back I've been approached about two other possible jobs and have been learning more about the previous three. God is amazing. I would love to start saving again, and tithing. Hallelujah.
Peace.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Happy Fourth
This past weekend I got to travel to Nashville to visit with friends and family. Lovely times all around...well, for the most part. The eight hour drive wasn't too bad aside from the speeding ticket I received three hours out of town - the first ever in my six-year driving career! OMG....not looking forward to paying that. "Is there a reason you are in such a rush?" "Oh, just have a long road trip ahead of me to see family." Yeah, you would have thought the guy would have had compassion on a poor (literally) girl like me who has to lean over the seat to manually roll down the passenger side window in order to converse with the cop. Oh well.
And another thing...even though I've lived in NC for three months now it always takes me aback when the person talking to me opens their mouth and out flows a heavy Southern accent. They almost sound fake to me, which makes me want to laugh, but if I did that there would, of course, be offense taken since they, of course, are not faking it. Perhaps I'm surrounded by so many foreigners in the office (British, Australian, Canadian, etc) that I have not been adequately immersed in the NC community/culture.
Gma's house was great but like always way too many desserts and tempting treats. Each time I go I hope that I have grown in self-control enough that I can just say "no." Sadly, that hasn't happened yet, but it's coming, hallelujah. :) I did decline taking any brownies home with me...guess that would follow "what happens at Gma's, stays at Gma's." haha. We watched the NY fireworks which were impressive albeit on TV as well as some from the back porch that the neighbors shot off just for us. How blessed I am to live in such a wonderful country!
Friends and Family: yes, I love them. And I love Nashville. Driving to one of my friend-dates I got to go downtown which was a treat in and of itself; I have missed working there! Catching up with everyone was great but more than just talking about what has been going on, God spoke through every one of them (though they may not have known it!) giving me advise, words of wisdom and admonition, and the encouragement that I needed. I was blown away. And I felt like I need to be scribbling everything they said in a notebook though that may have looked a little odd. So, while it wasn't fun saying good-bye and leaving everyone again, I have come back refreshed; filled up with love, hope, and determination; freer; and challenged. Amazing what one week with loved ones (and God) can do for you!
Tip: chocolate covered pomogranate seeds (from Costco) are outstanding.
Peace.
And another thing...even though I've lived in NC for three months now it always takes me aback when the person talking to me opens their mouth and out flows a heavy Southern accent. They almost sound fake to me, which makes me want to laugh, but if I did that there would, of course, be offense taken since they, of course, are not faking it. Perhaps I'm surrounded by so many foreigners in the office (British, Australian, Canadian, etc) that I have not been adequately immersed in the NC community/culture.
Gma's house was great but like always way too many desserts and tempting treats. Each time I go I hope that I have grown in self-control enough that I can just say "no." Sadly, that hasn't happened yet, but it's coming, hallelujah. :) I did decline taking any brownies home with me...guess that would follow "what happens at Gma's, stays at Gma's." haha. We watched the NY fireworks which were impressive albeit on TV as well as some from the back porch that the neighbors shot off just for us. How blessed I am to live in such a wonderful country!
Friends and Family: yes, I love them. And I love Nashville. Driving to one of my friend-dates I got to go downtown which was a treat in and of itself; I have missed working there! Catching up with everyone was great but more than just talking about what has been going on, God spoke through every one of them (though they may not have known it!) giving me advise, words of wisdom and admonition, and the encouragement that I needed. I was blown away. And I felt like I need to be scribbling everything they said in a notebook though that may have looked a little odd. So, while it wasn't fun saying good-bye and leaving everyone again, I have come back refreshed; filled up with love, hope, and determination; freer; and challenged. Amazing what one week with loved ones (and God) can do for you!
Tip: chocolate covered pomogranate seeds (from Costco) are outstanding.
Peace.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Declaration
It fit then. It fits now. And serves as a good reminder.
So the storm has come. The sky threatens to devour me, and I stand here naked and exposed, all defenses long gone. LORD, I gave you my heart, you made it beat again. Was that my mistake? Cuz now I feel everything. WIll I be destroyed? WIll my new heart be crushed? Can I stand against the storm? Or will I be swept away numb?
LORD, I am weak. Not quite used to vulnerable. Can I trust you to care for me? Can I trust you to be there? You have brought me this far. Why would you stop now? You told me before; You will be faithful to complete me.
Don't let me long for Egypt. Don't let me build walls again. With callouses gone it's painful, but my stone heart is now flesh. You breathe on me once again. Life fills my lungs and I can sing. Disregarding discomfort I will declare only your Truth.
I am free. I'm your daughter. I'm alive and have a purpose. I am loved. I'm so beautiful. I'm a light that shines for you. I am healed. I'm your lover. I'm your most prized possession.
Your grace and your truth give me hope in this life. You have something better for me than all that I could imagine. No storm can uproot me, no wave knock me down. I'm grounded in my Savior's love. My Father's wings cover me.
I will shake off these chains that have crept up on me. I will dance off the cobwebs trying to cover me up. I take authority over my life. The enemy holds no stock in me. Jesus bought me back for good. Now fear is gone forever. I will not be timid or shy away. I'm as bold as a lion. The oxen's strength in my hands, I will plow up the fields no one has. I will lay the foundation for freedom.
You have called me to do great things. Don't let me get stuck in the mire. You have called me to be your warrior. I'll take my sword and fight with you.
~March 9, 2011
Peace.
So the storm has come. The sky threatens to devour me, and I stand here naked and exposed, all defenses long gone. LORD, I gave you my heart, you made it beat again. Was that my mistake? Cuz now I feel everything. WIll I be destroyed? WIll my new heart be crushed? Can I stand against the storm? Or will I be swept away numb?
LORD, I am weak. Not quite used to vulnerable. Can I trust you to care for me? Can I trust you to be there? You have brought me this far. Why would you stop now? You told me before; You will be faithful to complete me.
Don't let me long for Egypt. Don't let me build walls again. With callouses gone it's painful, but my stone heart is now flesh. You breathe on me once again. Life fills my lungs and I can sing. Disregarding discomfort I will declare only your Truth.
I am free. I'm your daughter. I'm alive and have a purpose. I am loved. I'm so beautiful. I'm a light that shines for you. I am healed. I'm your lover. I'm your most prized possession.
Your grace and your truth give me hope in this life. You have something better for me than all that I could imagine. No storm can uproot me, no wave knock me down. I'm grounded in my Savior's love. My Father's wings cover me.
I will shake off these chains that have crept up on me. I will dance off the cobwebs trying to cover me up. I take authority over my life. The enemy holds no stock in me. Jesus bought me back for good. Now fear is gone forever. I will not be timid or shy away. I'm as bold as a lion. The oxen's strength in my hands, I will plow up the fields no one has. I will lay the foundation for freedom.
You have called me to do great things. Don't let me get stuck in the mire. You have called me to be your warrior. I'll take my sword and fight with you.
~March 9, 2011
Peace.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Amazement
How appropriate...the song playing via Pandora at the moment is "Amazed" and it is quite fitting. "Lord, I'm amazed by you. Lord, I'm amazed by you. Lord, I'm amazed by you and how you love me." Though all things change, He remains the same. Nice to know that my feet are set on a Rock that can't be moved; it makes the uncertain things in life seem bearable - because they are with this in mind. Amen.
So, what is the amazing bit? Time. I love how God isn't bound by it, obviously since He created it, and He can't be bound by anything. I enjoy pondering how God works in, through, around, and with time; mind boggling really. For example: if I pray now about someone who is sick but I don't know if they have died or have since been healed from the time I last heard an update on their condition, can my prayers still affect them? Can my prayers in the future still affect the past? Perhaps not a question for me to answer, but it's fun to think about because when your God is the god of the impossible...why not!
Along the same lines, I have been giving a bit more effort to the cause of dwelling on the Truth rather than circumstances which has brought me back to old prophecies I've received through the years. Ohmigoodness! ~Lord, I'm amazed by you~ Whether or not they were pertinent or impactful when I received them, I definitely need them now! And there is such a common theme amongst them proclaiming who God is, who I am in Him, and what He has called me to be!
So perhaps all those words were meant for the Kat in 2011 more than the Kat whenever the word was given. You know, it's kinda like the Bible...or at least shows that the God of the Bible is the God of Now in that the prophecies in the Bible were multi-level as well. I believe many of the OT prophecies had a fulfillment in the era in which they were spoken, a Messianic fulfillment, and then an eschatalogical fulfillment to come later. And who's to say that God doesn't do this on a personal level as well. I needed those words and directions when they were spoken over me, I need them now, and undoubtedly I'll need them later as well. Not to say that I am of the same importance as Jesus, but I am; He died for me, I am a co-heir with Him, and I am Daddy's favorite daughter so why wouldn't He give ME multi-level prophecies?! :)
Even more now I see why we need to be diligent in soaking in the prophetic words we receive and even committing them to memory so that they become a part of us and are allowed room to grow in our lives. So go dwell on some Truth today, and be amazed by Him once again.
Peace.
So, what is the amazing bit? Time. I love how God isn't bound by it, obviously since He created it, and He can't be bound by anything. I enjoy pondering how God works in, through, around, and with time; mind boggling really. For example: if I pray now about someone who is sick but I don't know if they have died or have since been healed from the time I last heard an update on their condition, can my prayers still affect them? Can my prayers in the future still affect the past? Perhaps not a question for me to answer, but it's fun to think about because when your God is the god of the impossible...why not!
Along the same lines, I have been giving a bit more effort to the cause of dwelling on the Truth rather than circumstances which has brought me back to old prophecies I've received through the years. Ohmigoodness! ~Lord, I'm amazed by you~ Whether or not they were pertinent or impactful when I received them, I definitely need them now! And there is such a common theme amongst them proclaiming who God is, who I am in Him, and what He has called me to be!
So perhaps all those words were meant for the Kat in 2011 more than the Kat whenever the word was given. You know, it's kinda like the Bible...or at least shows that the God of the Bible is the God of Now in that the prophecies in the Bible were multi-level as well. I believe many of the OT prophecies had a fulfillment in the era in which they were spoken, a Messianic fulfillment, and then an eschatalogical fulfillment to come later. And who's to say that God doesn't do this on a personal level as well. I needed those words and directions when they were spoken over me, I need them now, and undoubtedly I'll need them later as well. Not to say that I am of the same importance as Jesus, but I am; He died for me, I am a co-heir with Him, and I am Daddy's favorite daughter so why wouldn't He give ME multi-level prophecies?! :)
Even more now I see why we need to be diligent in soaking in the prophetic words we receive and even committing them to memory so that they become a part of us and are allowed room to grow in our lives. So go dwell on some Truth today, and be amazed by Him once again.
Peace.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Embracing All Facets
1. "I can blog; I have thoughts!" ....name it.
2. People are great. I love people. Parties are fantastic fun. I like parties. Food is awesome. I love food. Serving is good. I enjoy serving. A combination of all four is killer though I'm finding - think I already knew - that to feel at ease and really enjoy my guests' company there needs to be a bit less than 18 people in attendance. I love you all really, but an intimate group of 4-6 sounds better to me. Games I can do but unless I'm in it you'll probably find I have escaped to the kitchen to find another random dish to clean or put away. Just sayin'. INTJ here. Notice the 'I'. It stands for "introvert", and that would be correct.
3. God is so patient and He does send answers. Amazing how easy it is to forget that "He causes ALL things to work together for our good." Why is that? This week He is wooing me back to Himself and has been sending me boatloads of encouragement, which I have needed. (thanks to my friend for multi-hour ministry sessions! lifesaver! :) There is no "He loves me, He loves me not" with God, no "He kinda liked me yesterday, but today not so much". None of that. He is the I AM that I AM, the never-changing one, therefore His love for you today is the same as His love for you when He couldn't wait to create you, which also happens to be the same love (and same amount of love, if there is such a measurement) as the love He has for His own Son. Try believing it today. And I'll do the same.
4. My cooking is amazing, or at least I think so. Tonight in efforts to do something creative with six zucchinis before they went south, I made roasted veggies with the zukes, yellow squash, red peppers, onion, garlic, and a few potatoes. Tossed them with some EVOO (thank you Rachel Ray), basil, oregano, salt, seasoned pepper, and seasoned salt and roasted them up. OMG, can you say, 'delish!'? Oh, yeah. And if your questioning the quantities, yes, I filled up two 9x13" pans with this amazing goodness and then wondered if I wasn't trying to feed a family of seven instead of just one. Good thing I like leftovers.
5. So is it gluttony if you overeat on roasted vegetables?
6. Rediscovering my love for Kelanie Gloeckler. I only have her "Bending to Hear the Secrets You Breathe" album on my iPod but listening to it is like a love affair with Jesus. And it's powerful, speaking into identity and destiny and all that good stuff. And it's great dance music...aka my kind of 'soaking'.
7. I have a feeling I ought to proofread more of my blog entries. My apologies for all the words that don't make sense, all the grammatical errors, and all the words that are misspelled. Had I bothered to reread the sentences I had so hurriedly typed, I would have perfected them, I promise; I love good grammar, but in most cases I would rather have you read what I have written than for me to read it again. :)
8. Can't believe we are almost to the middle of June! That means that my birthday is a month and a half away. So what is going to save me this year from having an "Ohmigoodness, I'm getting so old!" breakdown?! haha ok, I know I'm not that old, but still. Anyone want to come visit? Or maybe I'll come visit you for my bday and we can have a bash...??? Ok, cool. haha Praise God for an amazing and fun life!! And there is so much more to come!!
9. Freedom reigns in this place. Showers of mercy and grace. Falling on every face. There is freedom. Jesus reigns in this place.
10. Peace
2. People are great. I love people. Parties are fantastic fun. I like parties. Food is awesome. I love food. Serving is good. I enjoy serving. A combination of all four is killer though I'm finding - think I already knew - that to feel at ease and really enjoy my guests' company there needs to be a bit less than 18 people in attendance. I love you all really, but an intimate group of 4-6 sounds better to me. Games I can do but unless I'm in it you'll probably find I have escaped to the kitchen to find another random dish to clean or put away. Just sayin'. INTJ here. Notice the 'I'. It stands for "introvert", and that would be correct.
3. God is so patient and He does send answers. Amazing how easy it is to forget that "He causes ALL things to work together for our good." Why is that? This week He is wooing me back to Himself and has been sending me boatloads of encouragement, which I have needed. (thanks to my friend for multi-hour ministry sessions! lifesaver! :) There is no "He loves me, He loves me not" with God, no "He kinda liked me yesterday, but today not so much". None of that. He is the I AM that I AM, the never-changing one, therefore His love for you today is the same as His love for you when He couldn't wait to create you, which also happens to be the same love (and same amount of love, if there is such a measurement) as the love He has for His own Son. Try believing it today. And I'll do the same.
4. My cooking is amazing, or at least I think so. Tonight in efforts to do something creative with six zucchinis before they went south, I made roasted veggies with the zukes, yellow squash, red peppers, onion, garlic, and a few potatoes. Tossed them with some EVOO (thank you Rachel Ray), basil, oregano, salt, seasoned pepper, and seasoned salt and roasted them up. OMG, can you say, 'delish!'? Oh, yeah. And if your questioning the quantities, yes, I filled up two 9x13" pans with this amazing goodness and then wondered if I wasn't trying to feed a family of seven instead of just one. Good thing I like leftovers.
5. So is it gluttony if you overeat on roasted vegetables?
6. Rediscovering my love for Kelanie Gloeckler. I only have her "Bending to Hear the Secrets You Breathe" album on my iPod but listening to it is like a love affair with Jesus. And it's powerful, speaking into identity and destiny and all that good stuff. And it's great dance music...aka my kind of 'soaking'.
7. I have a feeling I ought to proofread more of my blog entries. My apologies for all the words that don't make sense, all the grammatical errors, and all the words that are misspelled. Had I bothered to reread the sentences I had so hurriedly typed, I would have perfected them, I promise; I love good grammar, but in most cases I would rather have you read what I have written than for me to read it again. :)
8. Can't believe we are almost to the middle of June! That means that my birthday is a month and a half away. So what is going to save me this year from having an "Ohmigoodness, I'm getting so old!" breakdown?! haha ok, I know I'm not that old, but still. Anyone want to come visit? Or maybe I'll come visit you for my bday and we can have a bash...??? Ok, cool. haha Praise God for an amazing and fun life!! And there is so much more to come!!
9. Freedom reigns in this place. Showers of mercy and grace. Falling on every face. There is freedom. Jesus reigns in this place.
10. Peace
Love Songs
"Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks" ...So glad my heart is getting back to the right place: softness.
"I will sing to the LORD, for He has triumphed gloriously...
The LORD is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.
This is my God, and I will praise HIm - my father's God, and I will exalt Him!
The LORD is a warrior; Yahweh is His name!
"Who is like you among the gods, O LORD - glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders?
"With your unfailing love you lead the people you have redeemed.
In your might, you guide them to your sacred home.
"You will bring them in and plant them on your own mountain - the place, O LORD, reserved for your own dwelling...The LORD will reign forever and ever!" (Ex 15)
~~~ i am my beloved's and he is mine ~~~ i am my beloved's and he is mine ~~~
~~~~~~~ i am my lover's, and he claims me as his own. he claims me. ~~~~~~~
I'm weak in the heat of Your glance
And I resonate under Your hand
Responding to the One that my heart loves
With the breath that You breathed into me
In the fire of intimacy
Responding to the One that my heart loves
Today's another day to obey and surrender
Bending to hear the secrets You breathe
You delight to see how I respond to each new revelation
So I'm searching for language to capture Your wonder
Behold You in worship as You consume me
Every cell of me sings when I see You, beautiful Jesus
And I will not miss this moment to tell You I love You
You are the song of my life
...I want to worship til Your heart is satisfied
Jesus, I love you. Daddy, I love you. Spirit, I love you.
"I will sing to the LORD, for He has triumphed gloriously...
The LORD is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.
This is my God, and I will praise HIm - my father's God, and I will exalt Him!
The LORD is a warrior; Yahweh is His name!
"Who is like you among the gods, O LORD - glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders?
"With your unfailing love you lead the people you have redeemed.
In your might, you guide them to your sacred home.
"You will bring them in and plant them on your own mountain - the place, O LORD, reserved for your own dwelling...The LORD will reign forever and ever!" (Ex 15)
~~~ i am my beloved's and he is mine ~~~ i am my beloved's and he is mine ~~~
~~~~~~~ i am my lover's, and he claims me as his own. he claims me. ~~~~~~~
I'm weak in the heat of Your glance
And I resonate under Your hand
Responding to the One that my heart loves
With the breath that You breathed into me
In the fire of intimacy
Responding to the One that my heart loves
Today's another day to obey and surrender
Bending to hear the secrets You breathe
You delight to see how I respond to each new revelation
So I'm searching for language to capture Your wonder
Behold You in worship as You consume me
Every cell of me sings when I see You, beautiful Jesus
And I will not miss this moment to tell You I love You
You are the song of my life
...I want to worship til Your heart is satisfied
Jesus, I love you. Daddy, I love you. Spirit, I love you.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
It's Been Awhile...
...and a lot has happened. The day after Kristen's graduation I had to travel back to Raleigh though I would have much rather have stayed at home for a couple more days. On the road I was able to plow through the majority of Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis which I highly recommend. I hadn't read anything by Bell before this book but had seen quite a few of his Nooma videos, both of which carry his simple style holding a challenging message. He takes what you think you know, gives you more information about it that you haven't thought of before, and then asks, "What do you believe/think now?" So good. We are supposed to be continually changing and growing, not remaining stagnant in our thinking or beliefs, and Bell helps with his intellectual prodding. Delightful, I say.
Last week was conference week which was AWESOME! I think it's more than God showing up and doing amazing things, but rather it's that when you dedicate such time to the Lord you start to actually see and pay attention to what He is doing (trying to do) in and through us and we actually let it happen. There were miracles from the beginning of the week - when we had some leaders retreats - to the end during the BURNING Conference itself. A lady was able to walk/run again after 7 years, tons got set free from asthma and allergies, a shattered wrist was totally healed, etc.etc. Go God! There was some rockin' worship with Chris McClarney and Jonathan David Helser and our very own Carlos Rodriguez and Yuki Tanaka as well as some great speaking by John and Carol, Duncan, and Wes Hall.
I was kept busy by heading up the registration table and picking up catering orders which was fun. Since I'm still fairly new at my internship and I still don't have a job (Lord, help me!) being busy is refreshing for me. Crazy sounding, I know, but I love having something to do. Mom and Kristen were also in town and staying with me, so nice to see them again so soon. We didn't see much of each other since we were almost living at the church doing conference stuff, but I'm glad they got to come down, see where I live, and meet the fabulous people who are becoming my fourth family.
So now that the conference is over we get to start kicking into high gear our next one; a women's two day conference at the end of the month. Sa-weet. Hopefully all the interns will get to go to the beach one day next week and soak up some glorious sunshine and recharge for such madness. It's going to be a fantastic summer!
Peace.
Last week was conference week which was AWESOME! I think it's more than God showing up and doing amazing things, but rather it's that when you dedicate such time to the Lord you start to actually see and pay attention to what He is doing (trying to do) in and through us and we actually let it happen. There were miracles from the beginning of the week - when we had some leaders retreats - to the end during the BURNING Conference itself. A lady was able to walk/run again after 7 years, tons got set free from asthma and allergies, a shattered wrist was totally healed, etc.etc. Go God! There was some rockin' worship with Chris McClarney and Jonathan David Helser and our very own Carlos Rodriguez and Yuki Tanaka as well as some great speaking by John and Carol, Duncan, and Wes Hall.
I was kept busy by heading up the registration table and picking up catering orders which was fun. Since I'm still fairly new at my internship and I still don't have a job (Lord, help me!) being busy is refreshing for me. Crazy sounding, I know, but I love having something to do. Mom and Kristen were also in town and staying with me, so nice to see them again so soon. We didn't see much of each other since we were almost living at the church doing conference stuff, but I'm glad they got to come down, see where I live, and meet the fabulous people who are becoming my fourth family.
So now that the conference is over we get to start kicking into high gear our next one; a women's two day conference at the end of the month. Sa-weet. Hopefully all the interns will get to go to the beach one day next week and soak up some glorious sunshine and recharge for such madness. It's going to be a fantastic summer!
Peace.
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