Exactly

Amazing how you can find a Psalm to reflect exactly how you're feeling at any time. How cool that God would even give us the words to express ourselves and show us that such rants, vents, and tirades are even in the Bible and therefore don't scare Him, bother Him, or annoy Him. He lets us share what's really on our hearts and minds; and honestly, He WANTS us to! "Cast your burdens on me, for I care for you!"

Psalm 55 (in parts)

 ¹ Give ear to my prayer, O God,

   and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!
²Attend to me, and answer me;
   I am restless in my complaint and I moan,
³because of the noise of the enemy,
   because of the oppression of the wicked.
For they drop trouble upon me,
   and in anger they bear a grudge against me.

 ⁴My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
⁵Fear and trembling come upon me,
   and horror overwhelms me.
⁶And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
   I would fly away and be at rest;
⁷ yes, I would wander far away;
   I would lodge in the wilderness;
                         Selah

⁸I would hurry to find a shelter

   from the raging wind and tempest."

¹⁶But I call to God,

   and the LORD will save me.
¹⁷ Evening and morning and at noon
   I utter my complaint and moan,
   and he hears my voice.
¹⁸He redeems my soul in safety
   from the battle that I wage,
   for many are arrayed against me.
¹⁹God will give ear and humble them,
   he who is enthroned from of old, 
                         Selah

²² Cast your burden on the LORD,
   and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
   the righteous to be moved.

But I will trust in you.

Psalm 62

 ¹For God alone my soul waits in silence;
   from him comes my salvation.
² He only is my rock and my salvation,
   my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
 ³How long will all of you attack a man
   to batter him,
   like a leaning wall, a tottering fence?
⁴They only plan to thrust him down from his high position.
   They take pleasure in falsehood.
They bless with their mouths,
   but inwardly they curse.
                         Selah
 ⁵For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
   for my hope is from him.
⁶ He only is my rock and my salvation,
   my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
⁷On God rests my salvation and my glory;
   my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
 ⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
    pour out your heart before him;
   God is a refuge for us. 
                         Selah
 ⁹ Those of low estate are but a breath;
   those of high estate are a delusion;
in the balances they go up;
   they are together lighter than a breath.
¹⁰Put no trust in extortion;
    set no vain hopes on robbery;
    if riches increase, set not your heart on them.
 ¹¹ Once God has spoken;
    twice have I heard this:
that power belongs to God,
 ¹²and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love.
For you will render to a man
   according to his work.

Fall Fanfare

Fall has not forgotten North Carolina. Wow, do I love it here; I'm wearing flip-flops and it's October 20th!! Today was a bit chilly for it, but before I stepped out of the house I didn't know it, and it really isn't that bad yet. The drive to work will be breathtaking soon as there are more than a million trees lining the interstate on my way in. This changing of seasons makes me want to go on a hay ride and pick pumpkins and drink hot apple cider and walk through a corn maze with friends. Though I don't particularly prefer cold weather at all I do find fall and winter rather romantic seasons. It's at this time of year where you just want to cuddle up on the couch with a special someone and watch a movie or look at all the beautiful scenery of the changing landscape...from the window. :)

As We Wait

Today I got to partake in the first Ladies' Gathering at CTF Raleigh led by our own Casey Long and Judy Telling. One thing a lot of us have been missing is the heart-to-heart really-get-to-know-you type of relationships so it's the hope at the church to rectify this and build more of a community atmosphere. We need others to join us in our crazy roller coasters of life, hold our hands, or just cheer us on. All of us were created for intimacy by a very intimate God which makes it understandable if we feel a piece of us missing when good relationships are not set in place. So begins our new journey. Together. As women of CTF.

This morning I was the designated one of coffee and food prep duty, which is always fun. Trying to figure out how to work the coffee making apparatus. haha. The Judy and Casey took us through the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 along the theme of waiting. Such an applicable topic for all of us. As Judy pointed out, we find ourselves waiting our whole lives for one thing or another it seems. It was comforting to hear some of the ladies' stories on the subject and to find hope again in the fact that the Lord remembers us in our waiting and answers the prayers of our heart. This group for me is even an answer in a small way to some of my prayers.

But waiting isn't a passive activity. We should wait with expectancy for the miraculous move of God that is there for us. For expectancy is the breeding ground for miracles to abound! I want my expectancy and my pull on God for His miracles to be so strong that He can't help but send mighty breakthrough, miracles, and angels on my behalf to turn my world upside down!

Grace in your waiting.

Right Where I Need to Be

In a consumerist, always-looking-for-the-next-best-thing society in which I find myself living, it is easy to continually search for the quick solution to every problem, shying away from hardships and anything that hints of bringing discomfort. We would much rather remember and recite, "For God so loved the world..." than, "in this world, you will have troubles." We were promised that we would face hardships, so how did we get sucked into the false theology that when we become Christians life becomes a breeze and if it's not than it's our fault or we are doing something wrong or we need to try something else? 

The Bible is full of stories of faithful and righteous people who have to go through the hard times. Some even had the same questions we often voice in the midst of trials. The key to point out is that we are going through the hard times; we will soon be on the other side of them! If you go through it, then sooner or later you will get past it. Good news, right?! The thing is, this does require a thing or two; namely perseverance.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, need nothing.         ~James 1:2-4

When is the last time I rejoiced in my suffering? I guess from time to time I look at hard situations and give them to God saying, "Have your way, Lord. Please make something good come out of this," but how much rarer is it for others to come along side and rejoice with me in my suffering? Sadly, I find they are more likely to encourage me to get out of whatever unpleasant circumstance is causing irritation. I don't blame them; they love me, but is it for the best? God is more concerned about our growth rather than our comfort, correct? 

 My boss says, "the safest place to be is in God's will." How glorious to know this for real! No matter what is going on around you, there is such immense peace and assurance when you know you are where you are meant to be, that you are acting in the center of God's will and purpose for your life. And I praise God that I have this assurance, I know I am right where I'm supposed to be. Though life doesn't really look like how I anticipated it to look like at this point, I know this to be true: I'm on the right track. And God has been faithful to tell me this multiple times, several times in the past few weeks and even once before I even got here! Wow, talk about preparation! He is a good God. When all else fades, He remains. He turns ashes into beauty. And He loves me too much to leave me this way. He sees me beautiful.


Peace.

 

Primer and Product

It's conference time once again and all are abuzz with busyness! Crazyness is the theme of the week but I haven't felt too stressed out thankfully. For this conference - The Time is Now with Bob Jones and Bobby Conner, Anthony Skinner and Amber Brooks - I am running the bookstore as a part of Catch the Fire USA. We just ordered new product and it arrived on Tuesday despite the lack of faith of Stacy. The new books are SO BEAUTIFUL!!! It's so exciting to have new things that hopefully people will want to purchase them! So with new books came the wonderful dilemma of where to put everything, and we are trying to make the bookstore a bit more attractive as well. Kathryn made a sketch for what we want it to look like and since we still have 3 days before the conference was to start we went out and bought shelves for the wall and paint to change the bookshelves from oak brown to chocolate/java brown. Yes, we were victorious and the bookstore went from piddly to chic and I am so proud!

One of the irritating issues of the project was the primer...I rather dislike the substance as it is much harder to wash off of ....everything; skin, laminate, etc. I somehow got the nasty stuff all the way up my thigh! What the heck. Kathryn's equivalent to paint thinner didn't really do much but thankfully I had picked up some Goo Gone at Walmart the other day and so you know now that it works on primer, on skin. Maybe I should write in to Tips from Eloise. As I was using it and the project seemed to be dragging on and on I kept thinking, "I will overcome. This primer will not defeat me." Not sure who really won in the end to be honest but the job is done and I'm quite proud. :D

Peace.

The Time is Now

The time is now for so many things. Or at least it feels that way. The time is now for something to give way in my life. I so want it to be that time; this in-between time and waiting seems to be getting a little stuffy. The thing is what is the other book end? What is it that I'm waiting to happen? What is it that is going to completely revolutionize my life and jump start me into something cool? Ha. 

We all experience the "in-between-ness" at some point or another though with varying degrees of feeling like we are in a barren wasteland of nothingness. Take high school for example. While hopefully not an entirely bad experience it is an in-between time that takes you from being a kid to being launched out into "the world" - or so some people call college. University is another, taking you from under your parents' roof to becoming more independent. For me I had the time between college and going to SOM and especially the time between SOM and moving to Raleigh where I felt very deeply the sense of "in-between-ness" and the ensuing antsy feeling of wanting to "get on with it". 

During those times I at least had a vague knowledge of where I was going next, what I wanted to be doing/what I was going to be doing. Now I'm just confused because I'm getting that antsy feeling wanting something to break but not knowing what that is in the slightest. The time is now for revelation. The time is now for breakthrough in yet other areas in my life. The time is now for relationships...wow, do I need some. I don't want to get into avoidance and denial issues again neglecting what God is doing in my under the surface, but I need something (ie people) to help occupy some of this thought time...something other than work, preferably. Grace. Grace to the race horse. Grace.

But one thing I want to know is this: have I been in so many short-term training situations (high school, college, study abroad, SOM, interning) that I have no concept of "settling down"? When I get to that place will I know how to plant roots and call a place 'home'? Am I even supposed to have any? I love traveling (though not really moving). Will I always be on the move? I guess I did get a prophetic word about that but, praise God, He did promise a "home base". That's nice. It would be lovely to be "home" right now....wherever that is. Yet I kinda feel the time for that is yet to come.

Peace.